Urban Fantasy Barbies? Say It Ain’t So


Somehow I missed this piece of the Twilight insanity–Twilight Barbie Dolls. Thanks to Amazon for sending me a coupon for $5 off the ripped Jacob Barbie (I’ll pass), which they describe as being “for the adult collector,” or I might have missed this phenomenon altogether. I’m boggled by the whole idea of people collecting Bella Barbie, Edward Barbie, Jasper Barbie, and now ab-packed Jacob Barbie. There’s also a Tonner 15″ “Turn Me” Bella Swan Doll with her foot in a walking boot.

I want Barbies for my characters, but only with accessories:

— The DJ Jaco Barbie, with an elven staff and a voice box so she can fling snarky insults at people.

— The Alexander Warin Barbie, with ripped abs and a full assortment of weaponry, including a grenade that clips to his belt. Doesn’t talk, but his facial expressions can change from glowering to really glowering.

— The Jacob Warin Barbie, with a bum leg covered in scars, a deck of cards, and a real bottle of Three Roses bourbon. Pull his string, and he comes up with an endless barrel of bad nicknames.

— The Jean Lafitte Barbie, with an assortment of knives and boots, cigars, and a decanter of brandy. Pull his cord, and he’ll curse at you in French, Spanish or Italian.

Get to work, Mattel.

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About Suzanne Johnson

Author of urban fantasy, paranormal romance, and suspense. As Suzanne Johnson, she is the author of the Sentinels of New Orleans urban fantasy series (Royal Street; River Road: Elysian Fields, Pirate’s Alley, Belle Chasse, Frenchmen Street (March 2018). Writing as Susannah Sandlin, she is the author of the Penton Legacy series (Redemption; Absolution; Omega; Storm Force; Allegiance; ILLUMINATION); The Collectors series (Lovely, Dark, and Deep; Deadly, Calm, and Cold); and the Wilds of the Bayou series (Wild Man’s Curse; Black Diamond).

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