Jean Lafitte’s #Zombie Gift Guide (& W*n Zombie Pirate Earrings)

First up, today’s River Road tour stops…I’m at Marsha Moore’s blog today, dissecting the River Road book blurb, which is always interesting. And there’s a promo only at Bending the Spine. Both are official tour stops (so, yes, sorry–it’s the same excerpt)—see the column at right for the tour prize list!

It’s that time of year again! Each year, I do a series of Preternatura Gift Guide posts with ten of my favorite ten items in a variety of categories that just scream “holiday.” And does anything say “holiday” like zombies? Click on the link to each item to see how much this priceless gift will set you back, and at the end, I’ll be offering up a zombie giveaway!
This year, I’ve asked the undead pirate Jean Lafitte to pick his top ten. He’s sort of undead and that’s sort of related to zombies, right? So I’ll turn it over to Jean.
Merci, Suzanne. However, I must inform you first that I am no zombie, and am quite offended at the suggestion that I might be confused with such a mindless creature. I shall expect a sincere apology from you before I agree to be a part of your next writing affair, oui?
(Meekly,Oui, Capitain. And ponders the use of the word “affair.” Hm…)
Tres bien. Very well, as long as the people understand that the famous privateer Jean Lafitte is not un zombie, I shall proceed. 
Jean says: I should not enjoy the company of a young woman who would wear such a thing, but this is a zombie bracelet. Surely, a simple gold bangle would be more appropriate? 
Jean says: This is truly disturbing. Would anyone want such a thing to hang upon their walls? Mon Dieu. 
Jean says: This is outrageous. I must depart. No apology can atone for such a thing. (Stomps away.) 
Suzanne here. Jean left in a huff. Who knew the man was so humorless? Perhaps I was a tad insensitive. I’ll have him back for pirate gifts. Meanwhile, I think Zombie Snow White iPhone case is pretty funny. 
You know, for when you want to take the bite out of cold weather. 
Feeling creative? Here’s a pattern to make your own zombie plush pet. Head on out to your fabric store now! 
What better toy for the favorite toddler in your life? 
Now, this is clever. I need a phone-message version of this to stop telemarketers from hounding me. 
Because you need something to do while waiting for the zombie apocalypse, right? 
For that zombie-smooth skin….I guess.

Want to win your own pair of Zombie Pirate Earrings? Up to five entries possible: +1 for comment, +1 for blog follow, +1 for Twitter follow, +1 for a Tweet or RT about the contest, +1 for a Facebook follow. Contests end at midnight CDT U.S. on Saturday. Now…shamble on toward the comment box! Which is your favorite of these zombie gifts? Despite Jean’s disapproval, I’m rather fond of the zombie charm bracelet.

18 thoughts on “Jean Lafitte’s #Zombie Gift Guide (& W*n Zombie Pirate Earrings)

  1. What I need is a big round red circle with a diagonal red slash = NO ZOMBIES ALLOWED!!! I think Jean is right. Pirate gifts? Maybe. Or a staff, with runes. YES! Zombie stuff NO.

  2. Lol I really have to agree with Jean Lafitte, those zombie things are awfull, I do loathe zombies. So, this time, please don’t enter me. I do hope next time you pick beautiful wizard stuff 🙂

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