Okay, okay, I’m almost done entertaining myself this week. Today, in the public interest, I’m wrapping up Preternatura Gift Guide week with the ultimate Zombie gifts. You’ll notice that, unlike Wednesday’s Vampire Gift Guide and Thursday’s All Things Werewolf Guide, today’s will not end with a sexy zombie. Because, to me, sorry, zombies aren’t sexy. I mean, okay, I have an undead French pirate in my books, but he’s not a zombie. Repeat after me: Zombies. Are. Not. Sexy.
But, for those of you who find zombies funny–and I’ll grant you that’s possible–here are some of my favorite finds from Etsy and ZombieMart, in no particular order:
1. The Zombie Brain-Muffin Necklace
Which will look awesome with your formal black evening attire for holiday functions.
2. The Zombie Garden Gnomes
Wherein several ravenous zombie gnomes are chowing down on a poor hapless pink flamingo. Mmmm. Tastes like chicken.
3. The Octopus Zombie
I can’t even think of anything clever to say. This one baffles me.
4. The Zombie Clock
Okay, this is clever. Especially if the record happens to be “She’s Not There” by that old 1960s band The Zombies!
5. The Catnip-Filled Finger
For your zombie cat, which, really, is just about any cat, right? (Says a dog person.)
6. The Zombie Headband.
For when you really want to show off your brains, not your brawn.
7. Zombie Feet Shoes
8. Zombie Repellent Soap
Soap seems to be big with the preternatural crowd this year. Apparently the scent that repels zombies is crushed Spanish moss. Who knew?
9. The “Zombie Snack” Onesie
Because, really, isn’t your baby the first one you want the zombie to go for?
10. And just in time for the holidays….The Reindeer-Eating Zombie Garden Sculpture
What? Rudolph’s missing? Oh no!
Happy shopping, y’all. What’s your favorite? The sheer sickness of the onesie grabs me, but I have to go with the Zombie Garden Gnomes for sheer grossiosity! And for one lucky commenter….your own bar of Zombie Repellant Soap! Shuffle on down to comment.